A Therapist’s Guide to Resolutions
New Years brings a wonderful time of reflection and goal setting. It can feel like a fresh start or a deep breath before taking on your newest project. But it may also feel like a lot of pressure to get your resolutions right and to make them stick. If you’ve experienced childhood trauma, you may not have confidence that you can make sustainable life changes. After all, while your peers were figuring out how to navigate health choices, finances, or relationships, you were trying to stay safe. In this post, I’ll give you some practical tips for setting your resolutions this year that will help you *actually* do them.
Step #1: Have a Direction and a Goal
Start by making a general set of directions for the year. Maybe you want to get healthier. Maybe you want your finances to be in better shape. Think broadly about the direction you’d like to go in. Keep in mind that you can’t go in every direction at once! Set 2-3 directions for the year.
Then make a small set of specific goals (more on this in step #2) based on those directions. If your direction is “get healthier,” maybe your goals are “go to the gym 3x per week”, “eat 5 vegetables each day”, or “only drink alcohol 1x per week.” You can also adjust these goals over the year to work from where you are to where you’d like to be. For example, if you’re not exercising, going from 0x per week to 3x per week may not be feasible. But you can start with 1x per week and increase it every couple of weeks until you reach your goal.
Step #2: Make your goals actions, not outcomes
Notice how the example goals above are specific and action-oriented. I didn’t write “lose 10 pounds” (which is an outcome). You can’t guarantee outcomes. And it’s easy to get discouraged when outcomes don’t come quickly. Making your goals actions makes them something you can actively do, even while you wait for results. You can celebrate each day’s win.
*Bonus tip* You’re never too old for a sticker chart. Sounds childish, but it’s incredibly fun.
Step #3: Schedule your goals (and make it realistic)
You won’t be able to do all of this at the same time. Goals look easy on paper, but life is busy and complex. It’s ok to take things a step at a time. Consider picking one goal per month to work on and have them snowball through the year. This way, you’re building your confidence in your ability to make these changes over time and slowly making them a part of your life, rather than burning out in January.
Think about scheduling them into your weekly calendar and attaching the new behavior to something you’re already doing. For example, you could decide you want to go to the gym on your way home from work. You pack your bag ahead of time and make it a part of the schedule, just like your workday.
Making resolutions feels exciting to some and intimidating to others. In particular, some trauma survivors lack confidence to set goals, assuming they will not be able to reach them. A therapist can help you set reasonable goals, remain accountable to them, and dismantle the barriers that keep you from living a life worth living. If you’re in Clovis, CA or open to telehealth in California, I’d love to help. Learn more about therapy and take the first step toward healing today
